Make it beautiful to live
by TiniestGay
Summary: son500 Challenge #6:TIME, BLUE, ALARM; takes place after the "I love...these Brownies" ending  (previously posted under different Username)


Title: make it beautiful to live  
>Author: girl_in_her_bed<br>Word Count: 656 (if i only had ten more words...)  
>Summary: son500 Challenge #6:TIME, BLUE, ALARM; takes place after the "I love...these Brownies" ending<br>Rating:PG  
>Pairing (if any): Spashley<br>Disclaimer: i own an ipod that has awesome music like Queens of the Stone Age- Go With The Flow (title lyrics).not beta' Nice.

I've never been one for pleasantries; give me cold hard honesty any day. With a mother who cared more about impressing boy toy-of-the-week than coming to her 5th grade graduation, you kind of take the short course of "I don't give a fuck" without really meaning to. I graduated that with an A+, sitting lonely in a poor girls dream house watching TV curled up on the couch...night after night, day after day.

When I was old enough to know money can get you almost anything I used it to my full advantage, deep down hoping beyond hope that the excessive spending would get me a sit down mother-to-daughter talk...if it meant seeing my mother more than once a month. If it meant more than just a ten second phone conversation from my father's agent to make sure I'm still amongst the living.

I can't begin to explain when the exact point the walls came up were, the exact point in time probably somewhere between 8 and 14 when the shell hardened. The nail in that coffin happened after that but that's another story entirely. I spent years putting myself in bad situations, whether it was the person, the place or both. Drugs became a weekly theme at 14 along with the rave scene, an ugly smudge on my past to match the others...almost unnoticeable among the others, the portrait of my former self covered in them, a big black blur of pain and loneliness.

Pigtails and angel wings, my lips wrapped around a lollipop...I pulled them in. The innocent and the corrupt, young and old. It was a game, to see if I could. Numerous tongues have invaded beyond my lips, hands groped over and beneath the fabric barely covering my body. I still have dreams about it sometimes, the ecstasy clouding my brain...warm bodies pressed up against me on the dance floor and against walls. Then the alarm wakes me and the warm skin becomes yet again only a dream, a lie. Exactly what it was in the first place. That fleeting touch, if just for a brief second, warmed the walls around my cold dead heart and even though I knew it was bad I went back, night after night. I broke hearts and windows, both with a laugh of satisfaction, tore hearts to shreds like everyone I **needed **seemed to do to mine.

Then a pair of blue eyes come into my life, the color of ice but having the opposite effect on me. Instantly they threatened to burn those walls to the ground, that fleeting accidental first day touch of hands electrifying life back into my unbeating heart, she wielded those paddles without even realizing it. Became my keeper...someone to protect my heart from further damage as it healed, protect me from myself. Protection from the old me that threatened to make a reappearance after the hectic year before her arrival.

Spencer Carlin, a girl from the other side of the world...well not really but almost. Our universes so different suddenly colliding in a near Sonic-boom, creating a black vortex not even Ashley Davies could escape. No matter how hard I fought...pushed her past the boundaries I knew she had, I kept being pulled into that hole. And I sat on the Carlins couch, waiting for Spencer to come back from her room, where she was gathering a blanket and a pillow to sneakily sleep on the couch with me after her mother went to bed. When she crawled onto the fold-out mattress of the couch behind me, wrapping those loving arms around my waist and pressing the front of her body almost possessively against my back, I almost cried.

"I'm so happy you're here ash" she whispered so softly into my hair, the warm air caressing the back of my neck. "Don't leave again"

And I didn't say anything back, because I knew that'd be a promise I couldn't make.


End file.
